Mamma, With Love
by Stephholby24
Summary: This fan fic is Zosia, writing down her feelings, experiences and thoughts that she never got the chance to tell her Mamma about into a journal...


**Mamma, With Love...**

**Zosia's Journal,**

***Basically I got this idea after Tuesdays episode, where Zosia and Guy are talking about her mother and she finally lets him know about her feelings and what she wanted from him. I hope you enjoy reading it! Let me know what you think :) this chapter is Zosia writing down, In a journal to her mother about the last few months, her placements at the hospital and then the things she wanted to say to her and talk about,***

Mamma, my beautiful, dearest Mamma, I cannot quite believe that it's been 8 months already, it seemed just like yesterday when I last saw your beautiful face looking back at mine, speaking to me about how proud you are of me, for becoming a doctor, coming out at the top of my class, in your soft and soothing voice, how I would long to hear your reassuring voice and see your beautiful face again.

I've managed to get myself a job, as an F1 at Holby City General, it pains me that I never had the chance to tell you in person, just like I never got to say goodbye, properly, but Mamma I love you, I will always love you. I've been at the hospital for a little over 7 months now, and have worked on two different wards, Keller, General Surgery Ward and Darwin, Cardiotherasic ward,  
My first placement was on Keller, I remember my first day very clearly, I pranced onto he ward, dressed in all dark clothes and those spiky boots that you never really approved of, I laugh as I think back to it, I must have made quite an impression as a consultant asked me whether it was 'dress down day', I think it was safe to say he wasn't one of my biggest fans during my time on that ward. However, I did make a friend in another F1, Arthur Digby, he seemed to guide me through my first day, as I seemed to be quite abrupt and forward with the patients, you know what I'm like Mamma, jump straight into the job, asking questions after rather than before.  
Then I met my mentor, it was no other than the man I mentioned earlier, the one that commented about the way I was dressed, Antoine Malik, don't get me wrong he was a fantastic mentor, I learnt a lot from him, he made me try and achieve my best, even though I taught him some lessons along the way, but I guess I felt like I never got to see the good cases, us F1's usually get lumbered with the small, less interesting cases like infected feet and minor head injuries, where as I longed for the complex cases, the rush of having to order tests and scans to find the problem to then fix it, in whatever means necessary, but I was to busy, trying to read other peoples minds, and jotting findings down in my little note book, to never be given the opportunity to observe these sort of cases.

Another thing I must confess on my first day leads back to Arthur Digby, again I was quite forward with him, insisting that I helped him prepare a presentation, as he had been nominated for the young doctor of the year award, and whilst we were in the lab, things got quite heated and you can guess the rest, I am embarrassed now, it was my first day on the ward and already I'm sleeping with other F1's, I'm sorry Mamma.

I was only on this ward for a few weeks, but Throughout the rest of my time on that ward, it seemed to fly by, I was occasionally allowed in to theatre to observe operations, but that was on the rare occasions, the rest of the time I found myself diagnosing patients alongside my mentor, who put me through my paces, he seemed quite surprised that nothing fazed me and was able to answer anything that he asked of me, all those years of hard work and study have paid off, even from a young age I had wanted to become a doctor, after seeing Dad wearing his work scrubs, thinking about how smart he looked, and hearing the way he spoke about his patients and the lives that he managed to save, that's what's kept me going, how I've managed to achieve what I have achieved to this day.

But then I eventually changed placements, as my Mentor was involved in an horrific accident, Him, Arthur, the boss Henrik Hannsen and Chantelle were on their way to an award ceremony, when Arthur and Chantelle were involved in a crash, Antoine tried to save Chantelle from the car but a bail of hay fell from the truck in front, landing not he car and causing Antoine to lose his hand, so that is how I stumbled across Darwin ward.

I'm still adamant that I want to do psychiatric care, but I feel my new Mentors, Elliot Hope and Jac Naylor, will have other ideas, I have a feeling they are going to steer me in direction of surgery. Elliot is such a lovely man, very supportive and caring towards his patients and mentees, but I must admit I was a bit of a handful when I first arrived on the ward, Jac Naylor, well she's just like me prefers to get her work done and dusted, she's quite forward and tells it how it is, which I feel is the best way to be. Also when I first arrived on the ward, when I first saw Jac Naylor, I remember saying to her, 'Oh your pregnant' and then making some comment about her wanting to make babies, she seems like the person who is very difficult to get along with, but I was sure that we were going to be good friends, Once I was settled and had earnt her trust. I also remember her sending me out on a little shopping trip, she's been having these weird cravings, and this particular day she sent me out to a deli to collect two Jar of pickles to be exact and some herbal tea from the coffee shop in the foyer, I was confused at why she was sending me out to get these items, as I'm meant to be at the hospital to learn, but I'm sure if I refused she would have actually bit my head off, but when I came back she asked me to do something for her, but I wanted to be in theatre watching a complicated procedure, so I took a leaf out of dads books and stood my ground, let's just say she looked at me, with pride that she had a decent F1 to mentor.

I must admit Im really enjoying my time on Darwin, they are such a lovely bunch of people up there, I've spent most of my time in theatres observing fascinating cases and have learnt lots about the heart and it's structure, it's quite amazing really, they've really given me independence and an insight to the world of Cardiac surgery, even though I still want to do the psychiatric part of medicine...

As you know this is my first Christmas without you Mamma, I don't know how I got through it without the help of my colleagues and friends that I've made at the hospital, we had Mr T, the hospitals Gynaecologist, who also happens to be Ms Naylors gynaecologist dress up as an elf and go around the ward, asking for requests for the CD player, I think me and Jac were a little bit thrown off, as he approached us, I think her exact words were,  
"Can you turn that off, people are trying to die!" She's a women after my own heart I can see a lot of her attitude rubbing off on me. The day then went from strange to weird as I went to Keller, to see to a patient with a heart murmur, it turned out that the man hadn't got a heart murmur, just a love for Brussel sprouts, which are high in vitamin K, whilst in theatre with Digby and Sacha, after singing some cheesy Christmas songs like Dominic the donkey, he found the problem being caused by a Brussel sprout that had got blocked in his intestines, not a pleasant case Mamma, I'm sure you'd agree with that,

...

***Hi I hope you enjoy reading this chapter, I will write the next one about Zosia talking about her dad, from the day he arrived at the hospital up until now basically,**

**Please read and review xxx**


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